I feel like a big fat liar at job interviews.
I'm reminded of this idea as I will be going off to a plethora of job interviews about a year and a half from now, right after I graduate with a master's in social work ( hopefully).

Every job interview I have ever had in working adult life has consisted of a question in some form that asks where i see myself in the future, or in five years, or 2 weeks. When the question is ignited like a firecracker, all I want to do is put my hands over ears and run away from the red sharp crackling noise that makes my ears bleed. " I don't know really but I hope that perhaps I will be able to afford a new car by then. Hopefully I will have traveled a little and maybe learned how to make a decent lemon tart, my favorite dessert." If only I could say that without sounding like an unmotivated, ambition-less, indecisive drifter that lacks forethought and drive.

I am a liar, not because I don't know from one minute to the next what to do with myself, but because I pretend that I have answers for something I can't even see, touch,hear, smell or feel. I lie and tell the my potential employer that i see myself doing social work forever and that I never have selfish thoughts. I don't care about money or the power that money can wield in my life. I am a self-motivated individual that never accidentally deletes files, says anything politically incorrect or gets tired at the end of the work day. I have unlocked the answers to my life and that is why I make the perfect addition to your company. Am I hired?

I feel so rushed all the time, sometimes more than others. Rushed to finish school, get a job, be on time, know the definite answers to everything concerning my professional life. I know it's not that black and white, but sometimes I feel as though my "in the know" self is living 2 weeks ahead of schedule yelling back at my current self to catch up ,or else we will lose the race. still waiting for myself to catch up to myself.

I am a pretender, but I'll stand by you . . . and me.